Knowledge deficit r/t nursing tests

I can't wait for co-op when I have actual situations to blog about! As one may deduce, I am currently (stuck) in classes, and it is the most hellish finals week. It's almost like I downed 18 pints of ice cream with Tabasco sauce, pepper, olive oil, and Montreal seasoning all at once.

I cautiously crawl to my (MAT-NEWBORN!) nursing final seat, clutch one of my 9 number two pencils as if my deathly grip would save me, and stare blankly at my scribbled notes written 20 minutes ago of "things I probably should know by now". I get the scantron. Oh joy of my life. They should make a scantron for the partially blind LIKE MYSELF. I try to fill in my ID number in the correct box, but I'm like an old dementia-ridden lady squinting for that lousy box. I'm about to call a search party, but HARK! There it is! Student ID. Unfortunately I don't remember my ID.

I spent approximately an hour with the always-fun double negative questions with all right answers (but which is the best, they keep asking me), with such winners as (paraphrased, of course) "what would one not not always avoid to not prevent transmission not not not," and, "A, B, C, annnnd D are all right, please choose what my favorite color is. Maybe I'll throw in an E option for FUN!" I look up from my scantron, and the entire room is one huge blob of color. I seriously cannot make out anything. The room temp is a startling ~60 degrees, and I'm noticing my fingers going numb. MORE COLD TO FOCUS, JUST PRETEND YOU ARE SOVIET, KELLY!, I say to myself. I get back to my test for an additional hour, really obsessive-compulsive checking it.

Finally, my moment of glory! Passing it in! YES! Until I notice one of my legs is asleep, all fingers are numb, and I can't see anything. There is also an unusually large step to get to the desk to pass it in, not like I could see it at the time. Getting up is always awkward for me- if my butt crack covered? Will she think I am cheating if I pack my pencils and put on my backpack first? I decide to pass in the test first.

I take an exceedingly awkward first step (my leg is still asleep), and wince. I proceed to trip a little on my pins-and-needles leg. Like a true soldier, I battle onwards! I get up to the step I didn't see and trip, but that's okay. I'm sure my depth perception will come back once I get out of this room. I finally hand in my test and scantron, cursing at my lack of contraceptive knowledge (CATHOLIC SCHOOL!).


Nursing tests are painful, you guys! It's not like physics where it's 1. all math, and 2. you can get a 50 and it's still an A. The C is the new A in nursing school. Nobody bumps up grades even if you are painfully close.

Why isn't there a comprehensive test of actual knowledge? All the NCLEX tests is how well one can take an NCLEX style test, with a little bit of information thrown in for kicks. I think a practical skills exam would make so much more sense, because let's face it- when I get out of here, I am going to have NO IDEA what happens in an ICU. They call med-surg "acutely ill adult"? What? I want a "super duper acutely deathly ill on vents adult" course. The closest I'll get to that is my preceptorship, which word on the street is that you should know what you are doing before you show up in your nice freshly-ironed scrubs. ICU care (which I may be baised, but I see it as the most important care) is so different from taking the NCLEX. You need actual knowledge base in the ICU, and just knowing how to take NCLEX tests isn't going to get me there.

I have to awkwardly and abruptly end this post because I need to study for my last final- statistics (99.998% useless! Accept the null hypothesis and that Kelly COULD kill herself if this course needs to be repeated). Hopefully my vision will recover some day.

And apparently every nurse loves writing about the nursing shortage? WHHHHHHY?